Pag gusto ko, kaya ko syang pabalikin. Anytime.
Pag gusto ko, kaya ko syang palayuin. Anytime.
Sunud-sunuran lang sya. Walang palag. Kung anong gusto ko, yun ang nasusunod.
Minsan kung san-san sya lumiliko, pero pansamantalang pakiramdam lang ng kalayaan yun, dahil hawak ko pa rin sya. Walang palag. Ano bang magagawa nya? E nakatali sya sakin.
Minsan naisip ko, siguro nga mahirap yung ganung pakiramdam, yung tipong lumilipad ka nga pero di naman ikaw nagpapalipad sa sarili mo. Yung bang pakiramdam mo kaya mo na hanggang sa hilahin ka pabalik at wala ka man lang magawa, hindi ka man lang makapalag. Narealize mo hindi mo pala kontrolado ang lahat, na maraming sagabal sa paglipad mo.. tulad ng mga pwedeng sabitan, hangin na paasa at ang taling hindi mo mawari kung kelan mapapatid. O gusto mo nga bang mapatid ito? Makakalipad ka pa rin kaya kung wala to?
Tangina buti hindi ako naging saranggola.
Tagged: saranggola drive piloto October 29, 2009
Biglang bumaha.
Di ko alam kung saan galing yon. Naglalakad ako sa kainitan ng araw, tumutulo ang pawis, nakakunot na ang noo ko sa tindi ng sikat ng araw habang iniinda ang mabigat na daladala. Busina dito, busina doon, ang ingay. Okay lang. Gitgitan ang mga tao sa may bangketa, iniiwasan yung mga samu’t saring paninda mga ale at mamang may kasamang bata, may mga nagsusungit at nangungulit pa. Okay lang yan. Lakad, lakad, lakad… tangina ang layo ng tren. Napakahaba ng pila paakyat sa stasyon ng tren. May mag-inang sumingit, may batang iyak ng iyak na di mapatahan ng tatay, may mag-inang nagchichismisan, nakabunggo pa yung tatay na dala ang bag ng anak nyang elementary ata. Sige lang, okay lang yan.
Bumukas ang pinto ng tren. Aircon sa wakas. Tahimik ang lahat. Sa wakas. Wala na ang ingay… wala na ang ingay pero gitgitan pa rin, magulo pa rin. Walang pansinan. Walang nagiingay masyado pwera sa mga bata, yung mga bata ang tanging nagiingay. Mga batang hindi masaway. Tumayo ako, pinaupo ko yung anak ng mama. Salamat daw sabi nung tatay, habang inaayos ang karga sa Barbie na bag nung anak.
Nakatulala pa rin ako. Biglang bumaha, nabasa ang tshirt ko. Ayoko na. Patuloy ang agos. Bababa na ko.
Para! Para! Para!.. ay pucha.
Tagged: jeep, lrt September 24, 2009
Pre, di ka ba nagsasawa?
Saan?
Paulit-ulit kasi ginagawa natin. Gigising tayo, magtatrabaho para lang makakain. Mamamatay tayo ng may sinusundang di mawari kung ano.
Ganun talaga, e ano pa bang dapat gawin bukod sa magtrabaho at maghanap ng pagkain at mamatay?
Ewan ko, pero ako nagsasawa na. Simula ng panganak tayo ganito na lang ng ganito. Ba’t yung iba pasarap lang. Ba’t di natin pwedeng gawin yung gusto nating gawin?
E ano bang gusto mong gawin?
Ewan ko.
Tarantado ka pala e. Nagrereklamo kang di mo magawa gusto mo e di mo naman pala alam gusto mong gawin.
De pare, siguro kaya di ko alam kase wala naman talaga kong choice nung una pa lang. Di ako makapalag, para bang sa ayaw ko’t sa gusto ganito na talaga, nakadikta na, susundin ko na lang. Ikaw ba, masaya ka na ba sa ganito? Tatanda ka ng ganito? Masyado kasing routine-confined yung buhay naten. Pinanganak ba tayo para magtrabaho tapos mamatay? What happens in between? Patay na tayo katatrabaho bago pa natin matuklasan yung gusto talaga natin. Ako kasi parang I want to see what’s out there, you know? I want to find myself.
Bakla ka ba? Find myself ka pa jan. Gag…..
Pare? Pare? Pare!!!
Naapakan ang pare nyang langgam.
Tagged: langgam September 21, 2009
Putanginang pinto yan.
Parang yung sound effect sa horror movie, yung nakakairitang nakakatakot na sound pag binubuksan o sinasara yung pinto, ganon yung sound ng pintuan nya. Pero para sakanya, hindi nakakatakot, nakakairita lang. Nakakairita talaga.
Nanonood sya ng maganda at mind-boggling na movie sa sala, bubukas yung maingay na pinto. Gumagawa sya ng report na deadline bukas ng umaga, bubukas yung maingay na pinto. May kausap sya ng masinsinan sa telepono, bubukas yung maingay na pinto. Makalat sa sala, andaming deadlines, binubungangaan sya ng asawa nya, mainit na ulo nya, lumalabas na lahat ng wrinkles nya sa noo sa pagkakasimangot, nagdidikit na dalawang dulo ng kilay nya at di na maipinta muka nya, stressed na sya buhay nya at iritang irita na sa buong mundo… at biglang bubukas yung maingay at nakakairitang pinto.
Laging ganon, sa loob ng halos tatlong dekada. Isang gabi, umuwi sya galing opisina, pinagalitan ng boss, yare. Tambak ang trabaho, mainit ang ulo dahil sa traffic, nasiraan pa dahil sa baha, namasahe na lang sya. Basang basa sya sa ulan, gutom na at iniisip ang mga kailangang gawin. Pagdating sa bahay, sumalubong ang bunganga ng asawa na halos tatlong dekada nang nagbubunganga, ang malamig na kanin na halos tatlong dekada na nyang kasama gabi-gabi at syempre… ang putanginang pintong halos tatlong dekada nang nagiingay.
Putanginang pinto yan.
Umakyat sya. Naglock sa kwarto. Umupo. Nagbuntong hininga at nagsindi ng yosi.
Hithit. Buga. Hithit pa ulit. Buga.
Bumaba sya…
at sinira yung putanginang pinto.
Tagged: pinto, stress September 12, 2009
May nakita kong ipis na lumilipad. Kadiri.
Nagtatago sa dilim at mamasa-masang lugar kung saan sya komportable, lumaki at nagkapakpak. Sa paglaki nya, kailangan na nyang lumabas sa tunay na mundo. Sa paglabas nya ng lungga nya, wari bang hindi nya alam ang aasahan sa mundong ibabaw na kanyang ginagalawan at bago sa paningin. Kung saan saan sya lumilipad. Kung saan saan dumadapo. Sa iba okay lang. Sa iba naman nakakapandiri. Yung iba hinahayaan lang sya lumipad. Pag minalas malas, tsinelas o jaryo ang hahatol ng kamatayan nya.
Ano nga naman bang sense ba’t may ipis? Para san nga ba ang existence nito? May nadudulot ba tong mabuti sa lipunan? Ano ang existential purpose nya? Baka part ng food chain? Hindi ko alam. Hindi nya alam. Wala naman talagang nakakaalam. Ikaw ba pag tinanong ka ng ipis kung anong purpose mo sa mundo makakasagot ka? Malamang hindi, ipis yon e, papalag ka ba.
Sinilang. Lumaki. Lumipad. Lumipad ng hindi alam san pupunta, san dadapo.
Ang masaklap pa don, habang nasa kalagitnaan sya ng paglipad, bigla na lang syang hahampas sa pader at pipisain ng tsinelas bago pa man nya matuklasan ang purpose nya.
Dahil yon ang tadhanang binigay sa kanya ng the Great Hand. At wala syang palag.
This is the Plight of the Flying Ipis.
Tagged: ipis August 21, 2009
It’s break time. What do you do?
Unwinding in the middle of a stressful day is like finding an oasis in the desert. You have to make the most of it. Savor it. You won’t have another until the end of the usual long office or school day.
Outside the building, school or work place, the usual scenario, especially in the city, are people hurrying about accompanied with the noise of the vehicles honking their way out of the traffic. Either you find yourself a good spot outside or stay inside your cubicle or class room to continue whatever your boss or professor had condemned you with or just sit tight and wait until break time is over. What’s half an hour or so anyway right?
So there you are, sitting, busying yourself trying to get that long-dreamed-of promotion or that high grades you are maintaining. Letting that half an hour or so pass you by.
Temporary High
Considerable number of college students grabs a drink in between classes especially during long hour breaks. Excitement and thrill of not getting caught add up to that high that alcohol brings. Stories and laughter shared with every shot. Of course, stories and laughter can be shared over a glass of something non-alcoholic. But an adrenaline-pumping afternoon boosts friendships big time, be it going to an arcade and barely making it in time for class or even doing the simplest and silliest dares. All that adventure in half an hour break.
Sigh Time
Of course, an hour, or even half an hour break for procrastinators is a big deal. This would be their chance to dry up that glue or have their papers printed and submit their works minutes before the big boss declare eternal damnation. Admit it or not, at a point in our lives we usually opt to procrastinate, take the stress in one sitting and hope that the boss is equally stressed to not notice whatever is wrong with that hour-work. Fortunately, creative juices are served, if more fortunate, bottomless during this forsaken hour. The rush boosts one’s wildest imagination making him perform better. However, we must never leave it up to that one hour break, preparation still is better.
Idly Busy
For those who smoke, it is but normal for them to grab a stick during their break time and for those who don’t, they usually grab a cup of coffee or whatever they feel like having during their break time and just sit idly as time does. Those idle moments that people talk about the silliest things about their bosses and pretty much anything and everything under the sun are usually the moments we let down our guards. We all know that with our guards down, we are vulnerable as ever. We welcome everything and before we know it, those idle moments we share with an office mate or classmate may be a serendipitous moment for us: career-wise or another.
We never know what we miss during that hour or even half of it if we spend it inside that four-walled cubicle or classroom. So… it’s break time. What will you do?
Tagged: break, office, school March 21, 2009
As an everyday commuter, I get to be with different people for a 45-minutes jeepney ride and more-or-less-30-minutes LRT ride. Typical scenario in a public transportation vehicle would be snobbish people, noisy high school students who can’t seem to pipe down, “konyo” people who think they are just too good to ride the jeepney but still ride it anyway and the people who are after your iphone that you proudly flaunt while passing by at a slum area. Then there are the average normal people… and the weird people, way beyond Webster’s definition of weird.
Commuter #1: The One who simply CANNOT WAIT
Admittedly, I tend to dress less than what the future university dress code requires but there are times that I dress decently: t-shirt and pants. And when I do dress decently, these are the times that I encounter “The One who simply CANNOT WAIT”. O yes sir they simply cannot wait. One night on my way home, there’s this guy beside me and a nursing student (girl) on his other side. He kept on fidgeting. At first I thought he was trying to pick-pocket the girl beside him so I looked where his hands were going… to my DISGUST, I saw him reaching for the girl’s I-don’t-know-what-part while watching porn, hardcore porn, on his cellphone. When the girl alighted, I was on-guard for I was the only female specie available for the barbaric horny guy. And unfortunately speaking from experience, I was able to fail his mission. GHAD. Can’t you not wait 30 minutes until you get home and have your happy time at the comfort of your room? And don’t get me started talking about the guy with his “thing” dangling out of his shorts.
Commuter #2: The Primadonna’s
Si Superman lang ang hindi masisiksik sa jeep. During rush hours, jeepneys are jam-packed with tired and stressed people who can’t wait to get home. You would rather feel how sardines feel in a can than to wait another minute to get home. So there I was, sitting shoulder to shoulder with random people… all the while there’s this girl who was sitting pretty, slanted, looking out the window.
Commuter #3: I’m Rich… but not rich enough to buy my own car or at least get a cab.
A friendly reminder from a concerned citizen. Flaunting what you got is simply not suitable for a jeepney. So keep those ipods, iphones and what nots in your expensive bag before commuter #4 sees them.
Commuter #4: The One After Commuter #3
Modus Operandis, pick-pockets, snatchers and holdapers. They may be a group of 3 or 4, they would sit by your both sides and one in front of you. They would be from the same place and try to talk to you, then they would alight one by one. And when they do, you better check if you still have your wallet.
Commuter #5: Happy Chinese Guy
This one is pretty specific I know. A year ago, I rode the LRT, I was about to be late so I was feeling a bit irritated when this Happy Chinese Guy boarded the LRT. There’s that fresh and happy, fatherly look on his face that’s refereshing to look at. He’s not the heartthrob type, I think he’s already in his late 30’s or early 40s. He was smiling at everyone at the train and (by his gestures) waiting for a friendly conversation. A year after (which is at present), I got to ride with him again, he was still wearing that old smile he had a year ago and he was still politely smiling at everyone. He even got to have a small talk with the guy beside him and tries so hard to speak Filipino just so the guy would understand him. I don’t think he’s crazy or what not, he’s just really friendly and he’s someone who could make your day by smiling at you. He’s more enigmatic than Monalisa. HAHA! So there, I alighted at Vito Cruz, so did he. Our paths crossed once again somewhere near Starbucks, I was walking with my friends when he was walking too coming from the opposite direction. He recognized me, lifted his cap and said “Hi” to me with a smile. And I think that’s the most corteous and friendly gesture I’ve seen from a stranger.
Tagged: jeepney, lrt March 20, 2009
I HAVE FOUND MY MR. RIGHTS.
the perfect boyfriends for me.
yes, that comes with an ‘S’
and no, of course, they’re not really my boyfriends.
Aside from my girlfriends ‘Baliwz’, these guys have really been there for me through whatever. And they continue to be there.
Lately, I’ve been quite a mess though I didn’t really admit it to anyone even to them, even to myself. As what Toki had read from his Tarot Cards, I wanted people to see me as a strong woman. I’ve been trying to juggle everything and I was doing a pretty good job at doing so until I finally lost control. Once again, they were there to rescue me.
Arvin (left), Mavy (right) and I have been together since our last year in high school. We often hangout at each other’s houses but most of the time at Mavy’s. They have always, and I mean always, watched my back. They even watched me during my trainings for basketball, they always made sure I get home safe, they shower me with sermons when I needed it, they really took care of me and still do. My lolo and lola knew them and are at ease if they knew they either of them is with me. Even now that they have girl friends, they continue to be my Kuyas. And at this point that I needed them most, even if I didn’t really say anything, they were just there for me and made me feel, and I mean really feel, how important I was to them. I realized that I have been taking their presence for granted and that feeling really sucks.
We’ve been through tampuhans but our friendship continues to grow. They were able to put up with me at my worst and always help me back up to be my best. Nasasama na rin si Aa. Haha. Now, I’m at peace (wag na nating pag-usapan ang upcoming deadlines at final exams) thanks to them.
I remember how Carla presented Ega as her Mr. Right for show-and-tell in class. I’m proud to do the same with my Tols. With these guys, I know I won’t get hurt. 
Tagged: kaibigang tunay, tol November 29, 2008
Ang bagaaaal ng araw.
Hindi ko alam kung sadyang tinatamad at mainipin ako lately…
o dahil may planner na ko?
Nasusubaybayan ko na kasi bawat araw dahil sa planner ko. Inaabangan kung anong mangyayare sa bawat araw para maisulat gamit ang krayolang pang college (colored pens ni Ia).
More like a journal na nga silbi sakin ng planner ko. Bawat pangyayari nakasulat gamit ang makukulay na panulat, colorful na kung tutuusin ang bawat araw ko… pero walang tatalo sa planner ni Shang. Kung sa ‘kin colorful, yung kay Shang x10! May pictures pa. Hehe. ‘Yung kay Ia masyadong neat e, pero may mga pictures din, nagpapadoodle pa sya sa ‘min ni Shang minsan para may doodle din daw yung kanya. Magandang pananggalang sa boredom ang planner. Pag tipong nakakabagot na talaga sa klase, magdoodle at magcolor ka na lang sa planner mo. Nakakaaliw din, muka pang may ginagawa ka para di ka tawagin ng prof… pede mo rin drawing prof mo o kaya pumirma gamit ang apelido ng crush mo… SIGURADUHING hindi nya ‘to makikita at walang picture mo para fool-proof. HAHA!
Syempre, ang tunay na silbi ng planner, may mga birthdays at syempre nakasulat dito yung mga dapat kong gawin para sa skul. Tinititigan ko lang sya… at kini-cross out kase hindi ko nagagawa, gaya ng “Study for Ipoleco” o kaya “Read for Philfor” mas lalo na yung “Makinig sa Tredtri”. ‘I control my planner, my planner does not control me’ nga naman. Minsan daig pa sibuyas ng planner ko, lalo na ngayon… tinitignan ko… Nov 18: deadline for final paper Usaecon, Critique Paper on Globalization for Usaecon, Nov 20: 3rd Long Exam for Usaecon; Quiz for Usahist… nakakaiyak. 
Pero nakakabuhay din yung sumunod na nakita ko… Nov 22: Hsieh’s party at Nov 27: free cut sa usaecon at mga inaabangang araw na walang klase.
Haaaaaaaaayyyyy….
Iba’t ibang smileys, one-liners, catch phrase, mga nakadikit na kung anu-ano, scheds at doodles na ang bumubuo sa planner ko. Bawat sulat ko sa mga pangyayari sa araw-araw ko, permanent na ‘yon… sabi ni Bob Ong, pwede daw erasures.. para sa ‘kin, mahirap mag-erase kasi kung ano man ang lagyan mo ng ekis sa planner mo dahil di mo nagawa, di mo na talaga magagawa lalo na pag lumagpas na ang deadline at kung ano man ang idrowing at isulat mo ‘don, yun na yon, period, padlak susi, no erase. Pero pwedeng dagdagan ang pages, ihabol kung maiihahabol o kaya panibagong planner na lang. Nasayo na kung gano kakulay mo gagawin ang planner mo.
Tagged: planner November 14, 2008
namasyal kami…
malapit lang..
sa nakaraan..
(emo much? lol)
haha.. it was a thursday, and it was the first thursday me and the “league” weren’t drinking. kala ko naman lusot na ko.
Nagkita-kita kami ng high school best chums ko kasama yung dati naming guro. Nanuod lang kami ng longka teleserye na El Cuerpo (HAHA) tapos nagkaayaan kumain ng isaw.
Nakakamiss puntahan yung mga dating tambayan at eskinita na pinupuntahan namin noon. Ang bilis pala ng panahon, parang kelan lang grade six kami, nagkakatampuhan pa pag hindi nasasamahan magpunta sa cr ang isa tapos ngayon second year college na kami, sasamahan na ang isa sa cr kasi hindi na makalakad ng derecho. HAHA. Oo, nauwi sa inuman ang aming munting pagkikita. Tricycle lang naman ang layo, kaya ayun, hindi nakalusot ang thursday.
Balsa sa Muzon, inuman ng mga high school student noon, nakakatawa lang ngayon ko lang nalaman yon. Pag dating namin don may mga high school students na nag-iinuman, may katorse at kinse pa (oo, tinanong ko.. haha). May mga nag-eemo na at may mga milagro nang nangyayari sa dilim. Nakakatawang isiping ganun din kami dati, lalo na ko (aminado!) noong katututo ko lang uminom, dalawang bote lang ng redhorse, mag-eemo na ko non, pero ngayon apat kaming babae (humabol si Janelle), naka-apat na mucho kami. HAHA. Hindi naman ako nag-emo, si Jill lang! haha.
Dati rati nagtatanungan kami kung ano balak naming course at saan kami mag-aaral, ngayon anong trabaho na balak namin, o balak ba namin mag masteral o mangibang bansa. Natakot lang ako, hindi pa ko ready. HAHA.. sana pwede yung lagi na lang bata, inom dito, inom doon.. kahit wala nang inom, isaw na lang, tapos tatakbo kami kay Isang (na tinatawag na ni Jill na Mars ngayon) at magpapaturo ng lesson o kaya papasama kung saan o kaya tatambay lang sa kanila. Kaya lang hindi, ganun pala talaga, maganda na ang gate ng skul ko dati, iba na rin ang janitors, bagong pintura na rin ang skul, ang room ng St. Leo nasa first floor na, napapadalas na ang inom ko, hinihika na rin ako. Umuusad ang panahon. Hindi pwedeng huminto.
Hay
Buti na lang anjan si Isang, ang aking mga best chums…
at ang nakangiting kabayo sa mesa.
Tagged: balsa, ICPS, muni-muni October 26, 2008
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